Paper Airplane
by Caskettalways
Summary: Kate reflects on her and Rick's relationship. One-shot.


Title: **Paper Airplane**

Disclaimer: You know the drill

_How many days should I smile with a frown? _

_'Cause you're not around with the sun on your shoulders_

Kate put away the last file into her desk drawer before closing it shut. The clock on her desk said one minute until 6 and she was ready to get out of there. She was in the process of gathering up her coat and purse when Esposito walked over, leaning up against the side of her desk.

"You sure you don't wanna come out with us tonight? It'll be fun," he smiled. He, Lanie, Ryan, and Jenny were all going out for the night. She knew he was trying to be nice and include her, but she hated being the 5th wheel in their group.

"Thanks Esposito, I appreciate the offer, but I think I'm just going to stay in." She smiled, letting him know it really did mean something for him to ask.

"Alright, we'll see you on Monday then." He went over to his desk to finish up for the day. She was touched, really, but tonight just wasn't a good night.

Kate made sure everything was locked up before heading out of the precinct. Stepping outside she wrapped her coat tighter. It was starting to get pretty cold in the city and though she wasn't the biggest fan of winter, she appreciated the numbing chill it brought. Somehow it made her days a little more bearable.

She hopped in her car and started making the drive she'd made too many times in her life. Pulling into the cemetery she saw it was pretty empty, which was normal when she came at this time of day. She grabbed the flowers on the seat next to her before getting out of the car. She walked the familiar trail to where her mother was buried. She took out an old flower and replaced it with a new one.

She said a quick hello before walking to her next stop, which was really the main reason she'd come today. Like always, the walk was just long enough to let her mind drift back to that night….

_Beckett brought her car to a skidding halt, grabbed the gun out of its holster and jumped out of the car. He was going to be in so much trouble when she got her hands on him. Approaching the building she noticed his car in the parking lot. Worried, she picked up her pace, running up to the doors she saw he'd already broken through. She slipped in, keeping quiet, hoping to hear something that could lead her to where he was._

_After a few minutes of walking through hallways she heard a pop and a thud a distance ahead of her. Adrenaline kicked in and she hurried towards the source of the noise. She stopped outside of a door when she heard some men whispering on the other side._

_Not wanting to risk walking into a trap, Beckett went into another room and found a paper weight sitting on a desk. Then, positioning herself on one end of the hall, she tossed the paper weight, making it sound like she was on the other end. She heard whispers come from the room before they opened the door and walked out towards where she'd thrown the object. In plain sight, with their backs to her, Beckett shot them both down, neither having time to turn around and get a shot off in her direction._

_She waited a minute or two to see if a third man would emerge. The silence was broken when someone from the room yelled for help._

_A pain she hadn't felt in a long time ripped through her as she realized who it was._

_The distance between her and the door seemed like forever. When she finally went in her fears were confirmed when she saw him lying on the floor, blood starting to pool beneath him. She cursed herself for leaving her cell phone in the car. She saw a phone on the desk and picked it up, dialing 911. She gave her name and badge number, and when she was convinced help was on the way she dropped the phone on the desk and rushed down to his side._

"_Beckett, you made it."_

"_Castle, what the hell are you doing here?" She tried to compose herself and stop the tears that wanted to come._

"_I was following a lead," he got out between labored breaths._

"_Without me?"_

"_I got a call from one of those guys saying they had you here and i-if I came with some money they wouldn't hurt you."_

"_What? I wasn't here."_

"_Yeah, I f-figured that out." He stopped when a coughing fit took him over. Beckett sat there, feeling helpless. It killed her to see him in this much pain. Where the hell was that ambulance?_

_Finally he calmed down but he was starting to look a lot worse. "I gave the address to Alexis and told her to call Montgomery. I'm guessing that's how you found me." He sighed and started to close his eyes. She needed to keep him awake until someone got here._

"_Why didn't you ask for proof that I was here? Have them give me the phone or something?"_

"_I-I wasn't really thinking. I got the money and drove over here as fast as I could. I didn't want anything to happen to you." His voice was dropping down to a whisper and she could barely hear him. He was starting to fade. She grabbed his hand and clung to it. There was no stopping the tears at this point. They slipped down her face and fell to the ground, mixing with the pool of blood that was getting bigger._

"_Castle, you need to stay with me, ok? Help is on the way."_

"_Kate?"_

"_Yeah?" She couldn't stop the sob that came with her answer._

"_Promise you'll keep an eye on Ashley for me? Don't let him hurt Alexis. She deserves the best."_

"_Castle, stop. You're going to be fine." She knew she was trying to convince not just him but herself as well._

_He ignored her words. "And tell Ryan and Esposito that they still have to hold up their end of the bet from our poker game last week." He tried to manage a smile. "You'll like it."_

"_Rick, come on, stop talking like that. You'll be alright. Please."_

_His eyes opened slightly and he found hers. She hated to think that she probably looked like a mess. "And Kate?"_

_She composed herself before answering. "Yeah?"_

"_I love you."_

_Before she could say anything his hand went limp in hers and she watched the light leave his eyes. Leaning forward she put her forehead against his and let herself fall apart, whispering into the silence._

"_I love you too."_

The first thing Kate noticed when she walked up to where he was buried was a new bunch of flowers. She smiled, knowing Alexis and Martha had been there already that day. Sure, thousands of people had come to pay their respects the first few weeks after he died. But now, two years later, there were only three people that visited anymore: Alexis, Martha, and her.

Not wanting to move their flowers Kate placed her own on the ground just below theirs. Seeing his name on the stone still killed a part of her every time she saw it. At this point, there wasn't much left to kill, so it didn't hurt as much as it had in the beginning.

Trying to go on had been one of the hardest things Kate had ever done, second only to losing her mother. Sure, she missed things like him bringing her coffee every morning, but that wasn't all. She missed how he was always whispering random theories into her ear that usually led them to their killer. Or when he'd bring in take-out after they'd wrapped up a stressful case and they'd sit in the precinct for hours, talking about anything and everything until they were the only people left. And of course, there was his chair. No one sat in it anymore. No one. And the thought of seeing someone besides Castle in that chair was almost as bad as not seeing anyone in it.

The only good thing that came from his death was her new relationship with Alexis and Martha. They were so close now that they were practically family. She was especially thankful for this because she really couldn't see herself trying to start a family with anyone else at this point. Rick had been her one and done. She just didn't realize it in time.

Kate and Alexis had been given the opportunity to bond in a way that so many people don't understand. They shared love for the same man who had been, and always would be, the most important person in their life. And they'd both experienced losing a parent when they were too young to fully understand. Kate unfortunately hadn't had someone there to walk through the grieving with her when she'd lost her mother. Instead she spent years searching for her killer, who she found, thanks to Castle. But the day she caught the bastard wasn't anything like she'd pictured it because he hadn't been there to help her finally accept closure and move on for good.

But she made herself a promise to not let Alexis become consumed with her father's death. That girl had way too much going for her and it wouldn't be fair to watch her give it all up. Kate and Alexis spent several days and nights together, laughing, crying, whatever it took to help her to move on, or at least live with the pain, which was as far as Kate had gotten. She knew she'd never actually accept what had happened. But that was the story of her life. First with her mother, and now with a man she loved but never got the chance to tell.

Once the darkness became too much Kate got up to leave. As she did, she felt an unseasonably warm wind blow through. Against her better judgment she closed her eyes and imagined Rick with his arms around her. She smiled at the thought and at the same time felt a tear slip down her cheek at what could never be. There was no way to know if they could've had a lasting relationship. But she did know that after awhile she would've given it a chance, and then fought like hell to keep it going.

If only.

_Our love is like a paper airplane flying in the folded wind._


End file.
